Monday, March 4, 2013

Tips and Tricks on Dealing with Anxiety

As many of you know by now, I deal with anxiety. I've talked about it on here before and mentioned it in my last post as one of the reasons I took a hiatus from my blog. It is something I've had all of my life and will probably deal with for the rest of my life. I mention this because of the response I've gotten from readers after talking about my anxiety disorder.  I've been quite surprised with how many have written saying that they too deal with anxiety and know what I'm going through. Some have even asked for me to talk more about it. For years I kept it a secret outside of my immediate family. I was embarrassed of what people would say or how they would react. It terrified me to talk about it on here, to admit to so many people that my life was not at all what I had made it seem like it was on my blog. I thought people would think I was crazy, or not want to hear about my personal issues, but just the opposite happened. People wrote me describing their own experiences with anxiety, offering reassuring words and suggestions of things that helped them work through it and might help me as well. For the first time I felt like I wasn't alone.

I know that I'm still not alone. So many people still struggle with anxiety--whether the debilitating  panic attacks, or overcoming the stigma that comes with going to therapy, or the hopeless feeling of not knowing if you're ever going to get better. I can relate to all of these things. And because of that, I want to offer what I can from my own experience. Things that hopefully may help you with yours. And while I am by no means out of the woods of anxiety, I have learned  ways to better cope with it, and in doing so can offer what helps me.




1. Alleviate yourself from all unnecessary stress. I know this seems obvious, but for a lot of people this is easier said than done. You may be getting stress from things that you don't even know is causing it. It can be constant night outs with friends, unhealthy romantic relationships or even a job that gives you more stomachaches than rewards. For me, this was the internet. The internet is an extremely tricky thing. I've been addicted to it since I was 12.  I have been a slave to the web for literally half of my life. It gave me really high highs and extremely low lows. The reason I didn't realize this was causing me so much stress was because I always wanted to be on it. Why would I want something that stressed me out? Because I wanted that release of dopamine when I saw a message from that cute guy on Facebook, or when someone liked one of my pictures on Flickr or left me a compliment on a blog post. Because I liked it so much I started to crave it. Before I realized it I would waste away hours just sitting online waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to like my Facebook status or waiting for another funny tweet from someone. And when it wouldn't happen, it would completely alter my mood.

So I would go clicking around Facebook and blogs and look at what people were doing. Look at the pictures of vacations they'd gone on or places they went with their perfect boyfriend and I'd compare my life to their's and I never measured up. But then I realized, I'm not posting all the negative things about my life on here, why would they? Nobody's life is ever as good as they make it seem online. Nobody. I knew mine wasn't, and that in itself was stressful. I started to feel like a sitting duck for people to judge me. The want of people's approval gave me more anxiety than the approval was actually worth. It got to the point that every time I logged onto Facebook, my heart would start pounding and my breath would quicken. Those are tell-tale signs that I was entering a place that made me uneasy and uncomfortable. I finally knew that it was an addiction I needed to quit.

The moment I deactivated my account, a feeling of immense relief came over me. Nobody had to know what I was doing, I didn't need anyone to know what I was doing, and nobody could give me their commentary about it. All I had to worry about was the here and now of my own life, and actually be present for it. I deactivated my account in August of last year and haven't been back since. It was the best decision I could have made for my mental health. I do not miss it at all. Imagine a life where you never have to care what girls that guy you used to like is hanging out with, or what political e-brawl is happening on your overly-opinionated uncle's status thread, or being forced to see yet another baby picture from that girl you worked with at that one job the summer of your junior year in high school. And you don't have to care about any of this because you never see it. None of that stuff adds value to your life. You're not missing out on anything. Because all of that stuff is just for show anyway. Trust me.

Whatever the "internet"--that thing that is feeding your anxiety--is in your life, get rid of it. Weed it out. Learn to say no to it. And if you don't know what that thing might be-- pay attention to when and how your mood changes or your physical wellness is disrupted. Those headaches or stomachaches you've just been learning to live with--or when your chest starts to feel heavy or your hands shaky out of virtually nowhere-- stop and evaluate what is going on. What was it that just trigged your anxiety? What did you maybe just think about that caused a change in you? Once you know what that is it's much easier to learn how to go about handling the anxiety that comes with it.

2. Bach and a Black Box. I get really nervous in the car. I get nervous going places in general, so naturally the car ride is nothing but anticipation--What's going to happen when I get there? Will I be able to leave? How long will it take? Will a lot of people be there? How far is it from my house? It doesn't matter if I'm driving to work, to a hair appointment, or even to Disneyland. (Actually, Disneyland is one of the worst car rides because it is such a commitment. It is not just running to the store that I can leave and be back to my house in ten minutes. This is a 45 minute drive to a place that has a plethora of people where you pay a month's wages for parking and need a tram to get to and from your car and once you are in there you are IN THERE. For hours. All day even. And even when you want to leave did I mention the tram you are dependent on to get back to your car? But I digress.) So let's just say that I've had a lot of anxiety in cars. Cars are probably the number one place where I've to myself, "Nope" and turned around and drove back home. The reason I chicken out going places is because driving somehow does this thing to you where you just think about stuff endlessly. It's like you have nothing else to do but just think. Which for someone with anxiety is the worst possible thing to do because we don't just think, we over think and we freak ourselves out, panic and drive home. What's even worse is when you're listening to the radio and a song comes on that reminds you of something in a way only music can. How it always somehow attaches itself to very specific memories. Then you start thinking about that memory, and it's never a good memory. It's always a song that you associate with a guy who gone done you wrong or that period in high school that you want to forget about or an event that may have caused you anxiety before. Then all those emotions are being brought up again which can reek havoc on your mental state. (Sometimes songs have no memory attached to them but tend to cause me to daydream or think up situations in my head that also can cause an overstimulation of emotion.) So this is how I deal with over thinking and with music-induced emotions:

First, I put the classical music station on in my car. I do this because, one: I find classical music very soothing and relaxing and two: because I have no emotional memories attached to classical music. (The only memory I have attached to classical music is seventh grade algebra when my teacher experimented with whether or not playing classical music during tests helped increase our scores. I don't think it did, but it was nice to listen to.) So for me classical music is kind of just like white noise, it's nice for when you don't want to be in complete silence but it doesn't evoke any real emotionally-charged response in my brain. If it does evoke emotion in you, then don't listen to it. Find a type of music that soothes you. When I would get nervous driving to school years ago I would put on Nat King Cole and that would calm me down. Unfortunately my cd player in my car doesn't work so I settled on classical music. I would say to just drive in silence if you feel like it, but sometimes silence is a breeding ground for an overactive mind. Sometimes filling your brain with something is better than filling it with an overactive imagination.

Second, I think of a black box. I know this sounds crazy but stay with me. I've tried mediating, where I think of nothing at all, and always fail miserably. Thoughts still creep back in. The only way I've ever been about to not think of something is to actually think of something--a black box. I literally visualize a two-dimensional black box, kind of like a TV that's been turned off. Sometimes I visualize the box physically blocking out my thoughts, so that there is a big black square in the middle of my mind and parts of my thoughts are visible around the edges of the box but the box is blocking me from seeing it. I guess the box can really be any color you want, but to me black just seems like the most efficient at blocking things. I do this even when I'm not driving. I'll do this while I'm laying in bed or sitting in a waiting room or anywhere where I can't shut my mind off and it's causing me anxiety. But why it helps in the car is because it forces me to not think about all the what ifs that might happen while I'm out. It helps block out any over-thinking I might start doing and any doubt or urge I get to turn my car around. Once I block out my thoughts I'm much more likely to calm down and just continue to drive to my destination. If I don't anticipate every possible scenario that might happen, I tend to not get anxious. But word of caution: even if you black out your thoughts, do not black out the rules of the road. Be very mindful of other motorists, you are still driving a vehicle after all.

I have more than just two suggestions that I was planning on sharing but I didn't realize how much I had to say about them. To save time and space (and probably your sanity) I will post the other ones later. Maybe I'll do them in segments. If you have any of your own to add I would love to hear them and share them with everyone.

9 comments :

  1. I really appreciate a post like this - because, I too, suffer from anxiety. And the Internet and over thinking in the car are things I definitely deal with! I'm glad that I'm not alone..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, you are definitely not alone. I always feel like I'm the only one whose mind goes into overdrive (no pun intended) when I'm in the car. So it's nice to know other people do that too.

      Delete
  2. Thank you so, so much for writing this post. I suffer from social anxiety, and it is embarassing/tough/scary to explain why I don't want to be in a crowded bar, or why I prefer to only hang out with a few friends at a time. Your ability to talk about this and be open is inspiring and helpful. Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's funny that I can be open about it to strangers on my blog, and to my friends and family, but I find it almost impossible to be open about it to people I meet in real life. I know exactly how you feel when you say how embarrassing and hard it is to explain to people why you don't want to be somewhere with a lot of people or around people you aren't familiar with. I would much rather hang out in an intimate setting with a few people than with a bunch of people with a lot going on around me. When people who don't know about my anxiety invite me to do things, I tend to make excuses why I can't go instead of telling them the truth for fear of judgement. It's something I'm working on, so thank you so much for the kind words!

      Delete
  3. I have recently started experiencing anxiety over taking public transit. I have always had a car, and now since having to take the bus to work, I am sometimes so anxious about it that I feel nauseous and overwhelmed. It's hard for my family to understand, as they have tried to be supportive and give me advice. They suggest just 'giving it time' 'get used to it' amongst other things. They don't understand the debilitating control that it has over me. The lack of control and where I am going, who is going to be next to me, what if I can't get to the door in time for my stop etc... it seems like such an amateur thing to be afraid of, but it's such a real fear for me. It's doesn't help when I get made fun of for being 'a suck' or pinned a 'sheltered country girl'. I just want to scream at people but at the same time don't want to let them know the real reasons behind it. Thanks for posting these tips! Take care of yourself above all else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for sharing this because I'm sure a lot of people would feel exactly the same way. I know I would, hence why I had to point out how big of a deal having to take a tram to and form a parking lot was to me. It's the lack of being in control and being dependent on someone else. The fact that you have to wait on other people to get on and off the bus, sit next to people you don't know and being on someone else's time schedule are huge stresses. I can understand how your family would think that it's just "first time jitters" and once you get into a routine it won't be a big deal, and getting used to it may help with your anxiety, but it doesn't make your feelings any less real right now. Sometimes people who don't understand anxiety try to give advice and in doing so make it seem like you're unjustified for feeling this way or that you're making a bigger deal about something than it actually is--which we probably are but it's not our fault, it's something in our brain that is telling us to feel a certain way that we have a hard time controlling. Just focus on what is comfortable for you, if there is no way around taking the bus try and keep yourself busy with something that will distract you from thinking about how anxious you are, maybe try the black box thing and see if that works, or listen to a podcast. Sometimes focusing on what someone is saying helps take your mind out of the current situation. I wish you the best. And if you find something that helps, let me know!

      Delete
  4. I am much older than, by a decade, OK decade and half, lol (so I admitted, lol) and have been checking out your blog for a while. I LOVED how you took a outfit from a magazine and turned it to an everyday outfit. That is what got me coming back.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. Several years ago I was dealing with panic attacks. It was very scary because I was at work and suddenly my heart would race and I would think I was going to have a heart attack right there. What helped me was to surround myself with family and friends that cared about me a lot. There was this one lady that I worked with and she told me anytime I felt an attack coming to go to her cubical and signal her. Than she would stop talking non stop and somehow that would calm me. Strange, I know.

    Anyhow, I just wanted to say I am so proud of you for being so brave, finding solutions to deal with your anxiety, the way it works for you. Way to go. The only thing I can do is to send you lots of positive energy.

    I am so glad I stopped by. I did not think that you would come back. Actually now that you are going to talk about books and movies, I am going to stop by more often. Because now you are talking about my first two passions, lol. Fashion for me is far behind these two.

    stay strong dear
    Rosie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rosie,

      This was such a wonderful comment to receive, thank you. Your positive thoughts are very much appreciated. :)

      Delete
  5. You’re already doing a great job with the website and the blog. I love the content here and I’m always glad to come back and read some toughts on photography – be it gear, shooting or something else, loved the recent video for Samsung. I love that it isn’t a gear review site. I’d suggest you keep doing what you are and adding some odd piece of gear you found interesting and think people don’t know enough about or don’t use it enough or in the right way.
    If someone wants a review there are already sites that do them and are doing only that. This site isn’t that and it should never be.It’s not like it’s hard to find a review today for anything.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...